So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
