just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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