are you still at the devil's house?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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