it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
