My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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