i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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