i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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