She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
