Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
