I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
