I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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