I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
