I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think people are normalizing furries
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
