ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
