You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
