I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Everyone says I win the strip club
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sext me about skeletons
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
