I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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