the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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