ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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