help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
