I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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