can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
