i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
