Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
