you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
