I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize