Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
