I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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