why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
