you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
