I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
