is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
