Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
