I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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