I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
