Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
