think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
