id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
