I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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