As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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