It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
