I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
40s are totally the cure
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
