i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
