I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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