his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Girls should come with a carfax report
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
