tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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