I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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