Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's blow job season.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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