I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
