I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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