i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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