My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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