Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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