watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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