Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
