i permit you to call me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
