Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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