smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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