1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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