i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
