dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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