just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
