If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
