11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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