Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
