Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
