So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
