Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
