we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
