I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
