I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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