New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I see more hoeing in ur future
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
