Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
