Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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