Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
