ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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