Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
