so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
