He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
