Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You are the jesus of drinking
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
