Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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