I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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