I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
