he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
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