we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
