You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
