So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
