Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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