It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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