oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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