I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Alive.
So much puke
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
