The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
