the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
