I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i drank out of a bidet.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
